I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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