youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
