I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
