u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
