Christians are straight up FREAKS
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
