Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
