My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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