i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
