I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
