dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
