I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
