there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
