found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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