whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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