In America we eat man semen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
