Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
