Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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