You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
