I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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