like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
