We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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