You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
