READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
