you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
