dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
