An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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