I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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