3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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