piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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