I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
