and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
