He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
