its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
