Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
