He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
