We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
