true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
