I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He kissed a someone with a penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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