I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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