And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
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My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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