im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's blow job season.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
