I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
