My liver just broke up with me...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
