I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
