I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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