I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
