dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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