omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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