what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
