how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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