I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
