I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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