No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
