.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
