I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Pooping to opera.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
