i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
