Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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