just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
