I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think people are normalizing furries
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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