Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
