Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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