I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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