Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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